30 things.

what i feel like doing.

I’ve lost interest in the fairy tale I started. Therein lies my problem as a writer: I don’t put my butt in my chair every day as St. Anne Lamott commands. I have a bitter, bad attitude about it and Life throws up in my face. All the time. And I move on. But I’ll keep it and maybe one day I’ll read what I’ve written again, and I’ll be gripped to finish it up.

Have I mentioned I have Russians in my statcounter here? I have Russians in my statcounter hits. Moscow and St. Petersburg. And China. It’s fine. It makes me feel very dangerous and spy-like. I probably should have worked for the CIA anyway, with my love of researching the bizarre.

I just felt like updating this blog. I have nothing important to say. No real dramas to report on. The sociopath on Twitter has gone dormant again. You know, how viruses do. My life is even keeled these days, and relatively drama-free. I like it like that.

Here is a meme of self-indulgent drivel I’ve seen floating around the social media sphere. I will answer as many as I can, have time for, and/or feel like. Let’s be intimate, in a one-sided way:

30 things

Five ways to win my heart:

hand-picked flowers

texting or calling me for no reason other than to say you’re thinking about me

following through on what you say you’ll do

making me laugh, and letting me use you as a human pillow whenever I’m tired or sad.

….I’m high maintenance emotionally, but not financially.

Something I feel strongly about: Guns. I’m done talking. I’m done listening to the NRA talking points and propaganda. I have one talking point, and only one: STOP KILLING KIDS STOP THE MASS SHOOTINGS. The end. Shut up about mental health. Shut up about people killing people. Shut up about knives and cars and other dangerous people killers. Guns are killing mass amounts of adults but more importantly children. Teachers are now first responders being trained in tourniquet application and taught how to determine a gunned down child’s likelihood of survival so they can determine who to focus on if they’re helping the wounded. The gun fetishists’ response? Arm teachers, train them to be sharp shooters. We have not just lost our way, we have lost our damn minds. ENOUGH. Keep your stupid hand guns and your hunting rifles. But assault rifle time is over. I’m going to work to help ban them. F your 2nd amendment “right.” It does not supersede my and my child’s right to stay alive. ENOUGH.

A book I love: Anything by Anne Lamott. Glenn Doyle’s LOVE WARRIOR. These are my heroes.

Bullet my WHOLE day? I’ll do this in a separate blog post some day. Plus, I’ve only been up since 9 AM and it’s not even 2 pm.

Things I want to say to an ex: Oh, I pretty much just say them in blog entries or Twitter subtweets. I don’t have a problem airing my dirty laundry, though I am getting a lot more selective about when, how, and where I do it.

My views on mainstream music: uuuhhh, it’s good? Anything that’s not misogynistic rap. angry heavy metal, or twangy country is thumbs up in my book. I prefer sad songs in minor keys though. Here’s a link to a song that represents the kind of woe-is-me, thoughtful music I’m drawn to.

Five pet peeves: oooh, that is hard. JUST five. Okay…hypocrites, liars, Trump apologizers, men who leave the toilet seat up, and sneer-y people. Sneer-y people are the worst, but hypocrites and liars are the worstest.

What I ate today: so far a cinnamon raisin bagel and coffee. Later, I’ll have a Black Forest ham sandwich. I’m pretty boring with the food.

How important education is: pretty damn important. Look at who got into the White House. The need for compare/contrast skills and has reached critical levels. Being able to infer, evaluate, critically analyze information. Crucial these days.

First ten songs from my favorite Spotify list:

True Colors by Cyndi Lauper

Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics

Lovergirl by Teena Marie

True by Spandau Ballet

Satellite by Guster

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex

Eye in the Sky by The Alan Parsons Project

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

I Lost Everything by Sam Cooke

Yesterday by The Beatles

My family: …can be dysfunctional, but I would take a bullet for any one of them. Family is everything. There are some families with people in them you MUST stay away from, for your own sanity and safety. My immediate family does not have those kinds. I love them with all of me. Except my mom needs to turn off FOX News and start using her critical thinking skills.

Five guys I find attractive: Okay, so before I write this list, I want to just say–what attracts me to a man (or woman, for that matter) isn’t really looks. Like, Brock O’Hurn and Idris Elba are on my Holy God, Mother Nature! list of men I would NOT deny, simply based on the visceral reaction my ovaries have every time I see a picture of either of them. But ultimately, what makes me fall in love with someone is their brain, their humor, their heart, their character, and their skills in bed. The end. Anything else is just icing.

Here’s my 5 attractive people: Brock O’Hurn, Idris Elba, David Harbour, Gerald Butler, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I like my men like I like my steaks: seasoned and juicy.

(I’m sorry. I hope you weren’t planning steak for dinner.)

Opinion about my body: sigh. I mean, I like my shouders. Otherwise, it just needs a lot of work. But I’m too tired. And distracted.

What I wore today: Right now I’m still in my pajamas. Grey pants, T-back spaghetti straps black shirt. Comfy. Later, I’ll throw on some jeans or yoga pants and a long t-shirt. I don’t go for fashionable, I go for “could I also take a nap in this if necessary?” able.

Does my zodiac sign fit me: I’m Pisces, and yes. It does. Like I’m double triple squared Pisces with a Pisces rising. I’m so Pisces I put the Pi in the Sces. Somewhere in an ancient Greek zodiac almanac, an ancient Greek astrologer predicted I would one day walk this Earth, thus proving all of their Pisces astrological sign descriptions. I know there are people in the world who are skeptics and laugh cynically at this stuff, because I am friends with many of them. But they are wrong about this Pisces. Sorry, but you are. You are wrong, so just deal with it and sit there and be wrong in your wrongness. I am actually a Pisces. Yes.

A “what if…” I think about: What if…I won $900 million in the lottery tomorrow? What if…I could go back to school and get a new career in one year or less? What if…there’s a military coup 3 months from now? What if…I need to leave the country and I still haven’t updated my passport? (I got a lotta “what if…”s.)

Something I’m proud of: my little girl. My ability to have a total, emotionally irrational and angry meltdown and then pull it right back together and do better.

A problem I’ve had: oh, we’d be here all day. I’m just going to go with…I need to stick to a budget better. A LOT better.

Five items I lust after: a new duvet insert, a weekly maid, a daily meal service, a new car (I’d accept a 2015-ish model, used but in great condition), and a cheaper apartment with more square footage but wood floors/granite countertops.

How I hope my future will be: happy, peaceful, and content. Maybe with travel adventures now and then.

My academics: Bachelors and Masters and School of Life.

Five words/phrases that make me laugh: I’m going to come back to this another day. I literally can’t think of any right now.

Something I’m currently worried about: my daughter is having a hard time at school, and with self-esteem. My guilt levels about the self-esteem are sky high. My mama bear levels about the school thing are overwhelming.

Things I like/dislike about me:

Like–I’m kind (kind is very different than nice, by the way…I used to be nice. I still am too nice to a certain degree. But now I aim for kind…what is the appropriate response here? Gentleness? Compassion? Anger? Kindness isn’t necessarily nice.)

Dislike–still working on my overthinking/over-analyzing issues.

A quote I try to live by:

I have two, actually. the first one is something I have to constantly come back to and remind myself–this is happening again because you didn’t learn the first time. The second goes with the first, in that I have a horrible, really bad, terribly awful time just trusting the process. And the third is just something I saw awhile ago in one of my random Internet forages and it’s stuck with me, partly because every advice giver I’ve ever talked to or read stuff by (including the Dalai Lama himself) has said the path to peace is, well, stop giving a fuck. But I think I disagree. There ARE some things in life you should give a fuck about. But be selective because the path to peace is really to stop giving a fuck…about things that simply don’t matter.

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Somewhere I’d like to live/visit:

Live–a quiet cabin in the mountains. With a hot tub.

Visit–I want to go to Wales, specifically to Cardiff, which is where my paternal great-great grandmother immigrated from.

Five weird things I like:

when someone plays with my hair

people watching (I like to try to figure out their background stories)

research (give me some basic info and I will start digging…on my own, I start researching many different things, sometimes just randomly typing whatever pops in my brain into Google)

I’m obsessed with mermaids (for someone who wants to live in a mountain cabin…I’d be fine with a beach house too…as long as it has a hot tub)

peeling sunburn skin and other things off skin–dried liquid eyeliner, face masks…it’s the weirdest thing about me, I say

Something I’m excited about: Summer. I can’t wait for sleep-ins and pool time.

i think this about myself all the time. usually i lean wildly naive. but i have occasional moments of dangerous intelligence–more and more i am simply unwilling to put up with other humans’ bullshit.